Where I’m at

I think God is funny. Isn’t He? He likes to speak to us at some of the oddest moments… He’s so clever to meet us right where we’re at. I’m the type of person that is in constant desire of growing, moving forward, and looking on to the next thing God is going to teach me. I suspected in the midst of my sickness this week God would teach me some things. I was right.

By Friday evening, the day I made my last post, I was thrilled to be feeling almost entirely back to normal. I felt like dancing. It felt so good to not feel bad. I was excited that it was just in time for me to spend both Saturday and Sunday (day time) with the girls at Roja. Then, Saturday came. I woke up feeling awful. My stomach was bothering me more than it had any other day of the sickness. I finally dragged myself out of bed to get ready for the day, but my stomach was not having it. I was so frustrated. I had my mind made up I was going to Roja, I hadn’t been at Smyrna Wednesday or Thursday and I was tired of being confined to my bedroom/bathroom. Finally, realizing what my body was telling me I broke down (my pride included) and humbly called Anika to tell her I didn’t know what to do, but I felt horrible, and I felt almost worse about not being there. She told me, “It’s ok. Don’t feel bad. Just rest. Don’t come, I’ll stay with the girls today.” That’s exactly what I needed to hear. So, back to my pajamas and bed I went. Later that day, after so much frustration with my body, my many trips to the bathroom, and not being with the girls I said to God, ” Lord, how am I suppose to love on these girls if I can’t even be with them???” It was as if at that moment everything clicked within me and I could sense God speak into to me…

[ “Because they are sick like you………. They have so much stuff inside of them that needs to come out. It’s awful, painful, and disgusting, but it’s got to go. If you’ve “gone through it” you know what it’s like.” ]

I don’t know about you, but there have been things in my life that I have had to let go, to mentally and spiritually be freed of, and it’s been messy. These girls have so much from their past, so many fears, trust issues, and insecurities. They need to go through the  process of getting freed of them.

God is good at meeting us where we’re at… even if where we are at is the bathroom. Ha.

Sunday, I again thought I would certainly meet the girls after church at the least, even if I didn’t feel up to being in the service. But my stomach was in knots. Anika checked on me to see how I was doing and if I  thought I could handle being with the girls… at first I though I’d say yes, but then I felt my body say no. Again, she said it was ok, and better for me to feel rested. So, I did. And today was my day off, I’m feeling much better than even yesterday and almost back to normal. I washed my clothes (only the second time since I’ve been here), changed my sheets, and took a HOT shower. This was my first shower since Monday night (There’s not always hot water, so I have learned to be patient with bathing. I did take one bucket bath this week though). While I was in the shower I think I could almost hear a choir singing. It was probably the most wonderful shower of my life. It made me feel so alive– who knew a shower could have that power? (and you haven’t seen the shower here…) So, I’m thankful to be feeling better, to have clean clothes and skin, and to be leaving the house for the first time in a week tomorrow with new insight! Smyrna here I come!

What does doing laundry here consist of? Filling buckets of water and dumping them in the machine and adding some soap… (left to right) there is a wash section, then a spin, then a rinse section, and lastly spin again. We re-use the water, so hopefully the clothes aren’t filthy. Then you have to drain the water out in to buckets and dump them. I end up getting really wet. Oh, and we dry our clothes on the line.

By the way Happy Valentines day everyone! May you know the love of the Father more profoundly today.

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About pinkdor

I'm drawn to the gravity of love. View all posts by pinkdor

One response to “Where I’m at

  • upsidedownbethlehem

    sissy-fish,

    haha. Yes, God is funny. He has the universe’s best punchlines. It’s like, just when you get into an occupation you love, let’s say teaching at a community college, I’ll ask you to move to Israel. hahahahahaHA! Yes, I love the poignancy of God. He loves so much to be sought he drops cookie crumbs in the forest for us to follow instead of just leaving the cookies at our front door.

    I’m happy you are feeling better and that you are thriving in your soul as you learn and grow. You are an incredible woman. You transform dead structures into living places of freedom and the preservation of freedom.
    “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”
    3 John 1:2

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