We just passed our son’s due date. Its wild to think about as he is a month old now. My pregnancy and the context of his birth have likely been the hardest experience of my life. Having a high risk pregnancy due to severe Cholestasis of pregnancy (ICP) that generally made me feel unwell especially with another child at home, medication (and increasing by 3xs?), being required to have excessive monitoring through additional appointments, non-stress tests, bloodwork, ultrasounds, and OB ED visits was difficulIt. Further, it was draining to experience the physical, mental, and emotional rollercoaster brought on from my symptoms (extreme itching due to high bile acids, vomiting, acid reflux, loss of appetite, pain, malaise, lethargy etc.) and the anxiety of knowing the greatest risk to my child was fetal demise/stillbirth. There really were many highs and lows. Times I felt more peace and times of stress with wondering how far along delivery would be for an induction or from early labor… would we make it to 37 weeks? 36? Earlier? Would he be ok? Or the itching was returning or increasing signally its time for more bloodwork and at one point learning the most dangerous marker of 100 was nearly reached… Later ending up in OB ED again at 35 weeks and the medical team nearly deciding to induce then. But being in the clear to wait another week.
Then labor and delivery. I was technically already in early labor when we went in for the induction (36 weeks + 2 days) which thankfully helped things move swiftly. However, towards the end of labor, not fully known to me at the time, the medical staff thought we lost him. A new team of nurses rushing in and one repeating, “This looks bad. This looks really bad. This doesn’t look good” would be my first indicator something was wrong though my husband knew sooner. Having to switch positions numerous times, put on oxygen, and given a shot to increase my heart rate were another. I didn’t fully know what happened until days later due to being in the throes of labor and the medical staff having no time to fully explain to me in the moment. I didn’t know my blood pressure dropped, or that there was no heartbeat or oxygen read for him for too long. The OB was preparing for an emergency c-section right there if needed. My husband saw the set up. I had no idea it was that “bad.” I didn’t know how many people rushed in the room- the NICU nurses and a slew of others. Then something shifted and it was time to push. There was a different since of urgency, this imminent pressure of this is happening now unlike what I experienced when our daughter was born. I knew the risks Cholestasis of pregnancy (ICP) had before us of stillbirth and potential of other complications for him or me prior but during my pregnancy had been reiterated the odds were in our favor unless there are changes. I was desperate to know he was fine. Yet I didn’t know that we really could have lost him that day. That our sweet boy wouldn’t be here with us. I know my husband read the fear on my face as I looked for answers in the midst of those minutes of chaos, though I couldn’t really speak. And I saw the concern on his and being alert to medical staff, but he told me, “You’re okay. It’s okay.” Thankfully we were okay. Our son was okay.
Dori's Blog 